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La rivista che vorrei

Registrazione Tribunale di Monza n. 1927 del 24/9/2008 N° ROC 17857 ISSN 2283-3269 Colophon completo

Vado a vivere da sola

20091201-la-casa-sulla-mia-collina-a

Una casa in affitto può diventare un miraggio. 
Tra agenti immobiliari e metodo Stanislavskj

«H

o trent'anni e voglio uscire di casa». Sapevo che quelle lezioni di teatro, prima o poi, mi sarebbero servite. Ripasso mentalmente il Metodo. Mi preparo: il Maestro, Stanislavskj s'intende, sarebbe fiero di me: fingerò di esser in cerca di casa in affitto.
In realtà io sono molto più fortunata di così: io una casa ce l'ho già. L'ho presa un anno e mezzo fa, quasi due. E, nei miei due locali a seicento euro di mutuo mensili per i prossimi trent'anni, io mi sento al sicuro. Ma per Vorrei, e solo per oggi, fingerò d'esser più coraggiosa di così. Oggi, con la crisi e con in tasca i suoi mille euro di stipendio il mio personaggio decide di andare a vivere in affitto.
Qua e là per la rete: cambiocasa.it e i suoi 271 annunci di affitti sul territorio monzese, 27 offerte al di sotto dei 500 euro mensili. «Ce la posso fare».
Tre annunci di XXXCase nella prima delle tre schermate della categoria “fino a cinquecento”: cioè non proprio sotto a cinquecento, ma proprio cinquecento. Perché  al di sotto non ce n'è. Zona S. Fruttuoso due locali, 65 metri quadri, S. Albino, monolocale, 40 metri quadri, via Buonarroti ancora un mono, ma con balcone. No, non farti scoraggiare dai “grandi lavori” sulle strade monzesi. Va bene, vado.
Ho l'impressione che si parlerà poco di case. Diciamo che lo capisco appena dopo il «quanto vuole spendere?» Il mio timido e incerto «Cinquecento» tradisce una situazione economicamente instabile.

 

20091201-la-casa-sulla-mia-collina

"La casa sulla mia collina" di Cecilia Viganò

 

L'agente si mostra comprensivo ma la sua espressione mi suggerisce che conviene che il mio personaggio abbia uno stipendio fisso e pure un bel contratto. Lungo, lungo, lungo.
«Lei ha un contratto indeterminato? Vero?»
«Ma perchè cambia qualcosa?». E brava. Il tuo primo errore.
«Se non ha almeno un contratto annuale sarà difficile... i proprietari vogliono vedere le buste paga. La busta paga è l'architrave su cui si regge tutto. Sa per essere garantiti».
E se è l'architrave...
«Almeno un garante ce l'ha? Possiamo co-intestare...».
Ma no, sono una tipa sveglia io: capisco al volo che di questo passo la mia inchiesta alla Leonardo Case si sarebbe tristemente chiusa lì.  Quindi, strategicamente, il mio «E comunque, certo che ho un contratto». Devo un po' aiutare la sorte, no?
Ma senza esagerare o la veridicità del mio servizio crollerà miseramente. «Mille euro al mese» oso una situazione realistica, da trentenne spiantata del ventunesimo secolo. Temendo, però, l'ennesimo errore.
E invece no. Va bene. Ho un contratto a tempo indeterminato, guadagno mille euro tondi tondi e va tutto bene.
Ma andava bene anche se ne avessi avuto uno a tempo determinato diciamo annuale. E un garante. Cointestavo. Fossi stata più precaria di così mi sa che non andava bene, però.
Insomma a me, la vera Manuela una casa in affitto il mio XXX-eroe non l'avrebbe trovata.
Ma tant'è. Io una casa ce l'ho già, guadagno poco, s'intende, ma i miei seicento euro li tiro fuori. E mi sento al sicuro.
Lui mi fa: «Di solito si rispetta la regola dell'un terzo: l'affitto deve essere un terzo dello stipendio, ma vedremo di farcela». E grazie, allora.
«Certo, poi c'è da parlare del contratto: un 4+4 a canone libero o 3+2 a canone concordato?». Titubo. Lui tenta una spiegazione sull'evasione dei proprietari e sull'intromissione del “Buon Comune” grazie al quale con un 3+2 pagherei meno. Ma poi, grandissimo, semplifica senza che io sia costretta a chieder nulla: «ma stia tranquilla che lì col proprietario ci si viene incontro con facilità». E poi c'è quell'altra questione della cauzione. Tre mesi di solito. Ma sto tranquilla pure lì, ci pensa XXX e si trova un accordo con i proprietari.
«Passiamo alle proposte, ok?». Pragmatico. «Comunque signorina, se vuole restare a Monza sotto alle cinquecento solo monolocali, eh». Strapragmatico. E due o tre proposte. Che nemmeno ascolto: ora che ha fatto il grande, io mi impunto e voglio un due locali. E poi lui dice di sì, che il monolocale è da studente di passaggio, «da sfollato», aggiungo io con supponenza, da uno che manco ha una libreria e per carità, io almeno una libreria ce la devo avere. Fuori di casa sì, ma dignitosamente.
E allora si sale ma neanche troppo perchè «i prezzi per mono e bilocali non sono tanto diversi: quello che cambia sono le garanzie: i proprietari dei monolocali sono più tranquilli sulle referenze, sono abituati al veloce turnover, in media un monolocale lo si affitta per 8 mesi e poi via, sotto un altro».
Ormai ho tirato la corda. Lui ci crede e il Maestro mi adorerebbe.
Cederna 60 metri quadri 550 euro, senza spese. Ma pure senza ascensore. «Via Borgazzi? 50 metri quadri 550 euro». Ma: bagno cieco, senza ascensore. «Vabbè, saliamo anche un po' se proprio non c'è altro» dico io. «Ecco - fa lui - S. Albino 570 euro 50 metri quadri».
«E vicino alla stazione?» ribatto credendo di aver dato una svolta inaspettata alla ricerca. «Eh no, li affittano tutto agli stranieri, fanno poche questioni sul prezzo e si parte dai 600».
E va bene tanto io nella vita reale una casa ce l'ho: 600 euro le pago sì, ma di mutuo. E sono tranquilla.
Allora il Signor XXXCase fa un passo indietro «Guardi se vuole spendere meno si può sempre andar fuori»
«Lissone?». Ho fatto ancora la battuta sbagliata.
«No. Lissone oggi è come Monza, diciamo Desio, Seregno. Può andare?»
E facciamolo andare.
Insomma un bilocale lo si trova pure sui 500 euro mensili ma poi ti devi spostare, e poi mamma e papà? E gli amici ? E il lavoro?
«Ma scusi ma a questo punto mi facevo un mutuo!»
«Beh certo. Le converrebbe oggi come oggi» E mi mostra solerte un prospetto: «con centomila euro un bilocale lo troviamo, 400 euro di mutuo al mese per trent'anni». Ora è lui che ha fatto la battuta sbagliata. Io giuro, ho provato a trattenermi. Ma poi lui «... sa la crisi ha abbassato i prezzi...» il mio bel bilocale comprato un anno fa. E ancora lui «... e, vede, oggi con centomila euro un bilocale si trova...», il mutuo trentennale contratto due anni fa. E poi lui continua «... diciamo che con un tasso fisso, trent'anni verrebbero 400 euro al mese», io che ne pago seicento di euro al mese... ho urlato. Una cosa irripetibile qui, su una rivista per bene. E XXX c'è rimasto male.
Ho fallito. Il Maestro non sarebbe affatto fiero di me.

 

Vado a vivere in campagna.

Comprare o prendere in affitto una casa non è semplice. Costi proibitivi,
mille trabocchetti e insidie. Ma vendere casa è molto più semplice?

Di Antonio Grazioli

 

Basta, ho deciso: cambio vita, vendo casa e mi trasferisco. Ma no, tranquilli, è solo per finta. A differenza di Manuela, io non mi sento portato per il teatro e ho poco tempo per andare a zonzo, così provo a mettere un (falso) annuncio su un popolare sito italiano di annunci economici.

Nell'annuncio metto in vendita (specificando "da privato") una casa simile alla mia, per 250.000 euro, un prezzo piuttosto onesto e appetibile, almeno per le cifre da capogiro che sento sparare nella mia zona.

Infatti, dopo pochi minuti online ricevo subito la prima risposta: una signora che è interessata e mi chiede maggiori informazioni. Il giorno seguente altri due privati si fanno sentire per avere informazioni. Li tengo buoni con una email dal tono generico, in questi giorni sono in viaggio per lavoro e mi farò presto sentire al mio ritorno.

Nei giorni successivi iniziano invece a farsi vive alcune agenzie immobiliari, che mi propongono di "collaborare" per la vendita del mio immobile, oppure mi dicono di avere un cliente interessato a un appartamento come il mio, vantando la loro decennale esperienza nel campo e la loro vasta rete di contatti. E lo spero bene, perchè si prenderebbero come minimo il 3% da me e un altro 3% dall'eventuale acquirente, quindi circa 15.000 euro!

Altri privati e agenzie rispondono all'annuncio nei giorni seguenti. Mi contatta anche una signora, qualificandosi come privata, ma ha lo stesso cognome di una delle rappresentanti di una delle immobiliari che mi ha contattato (non è Brambilla, Cazzaniga, Casati o Sironi...). Semplice omonimia?

Ad oggi, su 11 risposte ricevute all'annuncio, 6 sono state di privati e 5 di agenzie immobiliari. Un quasi "fifty-fifty" niente male.

Gli autori di Vorrei
Author: Manuela Montalbano

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